I cannot formulate my own inability to formulate anything about God. Today, before the seventh and eighth stations of the Cross, I was terribly conscious that I was only saying words. The Lord permits our indifference before the Stations of the Cross so that we may realize that at best we are still indifferent to His sacrifice, and can’t be anything but indifferent. We cannot suffer His pains, unless He lets us do so in a miracle – we can suffer our own indifference to His pains. To realize that God is dying and that we are indifferent is to stand on the edge of an inconceivable agony. But the agony is caused by our indifference in His Passion. Therefore for us to cry out in agony because He permits us to be indifferent to His Passion is to want to learn what His cry meant: “Eloi, Eloi, Lama sabachtani, My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken me!”
[From: Run to the Mountain. The Journals of Thomas Merton, Volume I, 1939-1941]. This passage is from February 19, 1941.